Letter to Young Me
Dear Me,
Happy 20th birthday! Suddenly you feel so much older and more mature, don’t you? 20 is nonetheless more than 19. You still have 44 days left of your army service but that time will go fast. The last days in the army are so much easier than in the beginning, especially for an NCO. After the army, you’ll start studying in a university which was so obvious for you after high school. The academic year will start in two weeks, earlier than your service ends, and you have saved as much holiday as you can for spending the first days as a student at the university campus rather than at the barracks. You’re so excited about starting your studies that you’re practicing matrix calculus on your own. An old lieutenant will comment on that and say it’s useless but you’ll ignore him. You’ll need that skill later a lot.
You’re shy and find it difficult to make new friends. You’ve been bullied in school and even in the army you’ve had hard time because of that. I’d like to let you know that from this moment on there will be no more bullying. Not in the university and not at work after your graduation. Yes, you will have a job where you’re accepted just the way you are. You’ll still be an introvert but you’ll learn to turn it into an asset. Your sensitivity will help you to get along with many kinds of people and make many of them like you. After your graduation, you’ll think you’re finally ready and no more studying will be needed. I can now say that I couldn’t have been more wrong. Shifting yourself to neutral gear will only make you feel empty. There will be so much more to learn, on so many levels, and you’ll have fun investigating all that. Well, most of the time at least as there will be also stress that you’ll have to learn to handle. Life is learning, you’ll see.
At the moment, you’re still single and haven’t managed to get yourself a girlfriend. You’ve had a crush on a number of girls but haven’t had the courage to tell them that. Don’t worry, the situation will change within a few years. You’ll find a girlfriend but you’ll also get interested in guys. Yes, that’s right and it’s perfectly fine, trust me. There will be a guy who will only briefly visit your life but who will change it forever. I hope that doesn’t sound too dramatic but he’ll be someone you’ll always remember. You’ll have wonderful time together but afterwards you don’t dare to continue that relationship. I wonder how I could make you consider that for second time. If I had a chance to change the past, I would give you the courage to overcome your fear of being gay. In fact, you’re a bi (or pan – a word you’ll learn later) but it won’t be easy for you to accept that. Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?
As I promised, there will be a girl for you and you’ll get married. You’ll also get children who you love more than anything. You’ll take care of them and you’ll be proud of them. They’ll be the ones that keep you going through difficult times when all hope seems to be lost and you think there’s nothing for you anymore. I know that sounds scary and I wasn’t sure whether tell you or not. Anyway, you’ll survive and continue living stronger than before. You’ll get a passion for deeper values. You’ll understand that sensitivity is not only for females and accept the feminine side in you. Later, you’ll even break your mental boundaries between male and female side and won’t let them limit you anymore. You’ll feel more free than you can imagine. And as you’ve already noticed, you have a kinky side (I know how'd you love to be tied up) and you will finally let it flourish, too.
So, to sum it up, you’ll have rich next 20 years and I hope I didn’t spoil all of them. Of course, I left nice surprises and didn’t reveal everything. And you don’t have to be afraid because I’ll be there with you all the time. Also, don’t hurry. I know your goal is to grow up and start living your own life. Try to take it easier and live your life like it was an adventure. You’ll meet wonderful people on your way so getting enough friends won’t be a problem. Just remember that in friendships, quality beats quantity. Follow your heart because it knows where to go and who to trust. I wish you a wonderful journey!
Sincerely,
You from 2019
[Published also in DeviantArt, Jun 5 2019]
Happy 20th birthday! Suddenly you feel so much older and more mature, don’t you? 20 is nonetheless more than 19. You still have 44 days left of your army service but that time will go fast. The last days in the army are so much easier than in the beginning, especially for an NCO. After the army, you’ll start studying in a university which was so obvious for you after high school. The academic year will start in two weeks, earlier than your service ends, and you have saved as much holiday as you can for spending the first days as a student at the university campus rather than at the barracks. You’re so excited about starting your studies that you’re practicing matrix calculus on your own. An old lieutenant will comment on that and say it’s useless but you’ll ignore him. You’ll need that skill later a lot.
You’re shy and find it difficult to make new friends. You’ve been bullied in school and even in the army you’ve had hard time because of that. I’d like to let you know that from this moment on there will be no more bullying. Not in the university and not at work after your graduation. Yes, you will have a job where you’re accepted just the way you are. You’ll still be an introvert but you’ll learn to turn it into an asset. Your sensitivity will help you to get along with many kinds of people and make many of them like you. After your graduation, you’ll think you’re finally ready and no more studying will be needed. I can now say that I couldn’t have been more wrong. Shifting yourself to neutral gear will only make you feel empty. There will be so much more to learn, on so many levels, and you’ll have fun investigating all that. Well, most of the time at least as there will be also stress that you’ll have to learn to handle. Life is learning, you’ll see.
At the moment, you’re still single and haven’t managed to get yourself a girlfriend. You’ve had a crush on a number of girls but haven’t had the courage to tell them that. Don’t worry, the situation will change within a few years. You’ll find a girlfriend but you’ll also get interested in guys. Yes, that’s right and it’s perfectly fine, trust me. There will be a guy who will only briefly visit your life but who will change it forever. I hope that doesn’t sound too dramatic but he’ll be someone you’ll always remember. You’ll have wonderful time together but afterwards you don’t dare to continue that relationship. I wonder how I could make you consider that for second time. If I had a chance to change the past, I would give you the courage to overcome your fear of being gay. In fact, you’re a bi (or pan – a word you’ll learn later) but it won’t be easy for you to accept that. Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?
As I promised, there will be a girl for you and you’ll get married. You’ll also get children who you love more than anything. You’ll take care of them and you’ll be proud of them. They’ll be the ones that keep you going through difficult times when all hope seems to be lost and you think there’s nothing for you anymore. I know that sounds scary and I wasn’t sure whether tell you or not. Anyway, you’ll survive and continue living stronger than before. You’ll get a passion for deeper values. You’ll understand that sensitivity is not only for females and accept the feminine side in you. Later, you’ll even break your mental boundaries between male and female side and won’t let them limit you anymore. You’ll feel more free than you can imagine. And as you’ve already noticed, you have a kinky side (I know how'd you love to be tied up) and you will finally let it flourish, too.
So, to sum it up, you’ll have rich next 20 years and I hope I didn’t spoil all of them. Of course, I left nice surprises and didn’t reveal everything. And you don’t have to be afraid because I’ll be there with you all the time. Also, don’t hurry. I know your goal is to grow up and start living your own life. Try to take it easier and live your life like it was an adventure. You’ll meet wonderful people on your way so getting enough friends won’t be a problem. Just remember that in friendships, quality beats quantity. Follow your heart because it knows where to go and who to trust. I wish you a wonderful journey!
Sincerely,
You from 2019
[Published also in DeviantArt, Jun 5 2019]
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